Most people don’t even realize they have a disordered relationship with food. It’s sneaky like that. For so many of us, the problem only becomes obvious when the scale starts creeping up. Suddenly, we’re labeled “overweight” or “obese,” and then the panic sets in. But here’s the truth: the disorder was there long before the weight gain.

The common solution?

Dieting. And when I say dieting, I mean trying everything — crazy fad diets, extreme calorie restriction, grueling exercise routines. And sometimes, those methods even work… for a little while. We lose some weight, start to feel hopeful, and then it all comes crashing down. Because sooner or later, the old habits return, and the weight piles back on. And then some.

It’s a vicious roller coaster millions of people are trapped on.

The Well-Meaning but Wrong Advice

So, we reach out for help. We turn to doctors, nutritionists, dietitians, and other professionals who genuinely want to help. But their advice? It’s almost always the same:

• “Move more, eat less.”

• “Just practice moderation.”

• “Everything in moderation.”

Sounds simple, right? The problem is, for some of us, moderation is impossible.

Are You a Moderator?

Maybe you’ve heard me say this before, but it’s so important it’s worth repeating. If you’re a natural moderator, this advice might actually work for you. So, what does being a moderator look like?

• You can eat one cookie and walk away, not even thinking about another one for months.

• You can order dessert, take two bites, be satisfied, and leave the rest without another thought.

• You can effortlessly control your portions and walk away from a plate that still has food on it, never giving it another thought. You almost never overeat.

If that’s you, great! You’re a moderator. You don’t have to try to moderate; it just comes naturally.

But What If You’re Not a Moderator?

Here’s the thing — not everyone is a moderator. And if you’re not, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

You’re not a moderator if:

• One cookie is never enough. It sets off a binge, leaving you feeling guilty and ashamed.

• You regularly say, “Just this once,” but “just once” seems to happen way too often.

• You intend to have two slices of pizza but end up eating half the pie (or the whole thing).

• You try to control your portions, but it feels like a constant battle that you rarely win.

If you’re nodding your head right now, here’s what you need to know: It’s not your fault. You’re not broken. You’ve just been given the wrong advice.

Why Mainstream Advice Fails People Like Us

The problem with most eating disorder recovery programs is they’re built on the idea of moderation. But what if moderation is the very thing that’s keeping you stuck?

When someone tells you to “eat everything in moderation,” it feels like you’ve just been handed a recipe for disaster. It’s like giving an alcoholic a glass of wine and saying, “Just have one.” For people with food addiction and disordered eating, trying to moderate certain foods feels impossible. And the harder you try, the more you end up feeling like a failure.

The professionals who promote moderation aren’t trying to hurt you. They’re well-meaning, and their advice works for some people. But not for everyone. And when it doesn’t work, it leaves you feeling broken, hopeless, and defeated.

So, What’s the Answer?

It’s time to reject the idea that moderation is the only path to healing. Abstinence isn’t a dirty word. Restriction isn’t a bad thing.

Think about it — we restrict ourselves from harmful things all the time. We avoid toxic relationships. We stay away from substances that can destroy our health. We put boundaries in place to keep ourselves safe. So why should food be any different?

It’s okay to decide certain foods are off-limits because they harm you. It’s okay to accept that your brain simply can’t handle certain triggers. And it’s okay to embrace a path that feels right for you, even if it goes against the mainstream advice you’ve been given your whole life.

You’re Not Broken — You’ve Just Been Following the Wrong Advice

If you’ve been beating yourself up because moderation doesn’t work for you, I want you to stop right now. You’re not broken. You’ve just been trying to follow advice that was never meant for you.

Recovery and healing are possible. But it might look different than what you’ve been told. And that’s okay.

Ready to step off the roller coaster for good? I’m here to help you find a way forward that actually works.